Revolutionary Moderation

I wanna wake up, in the city, that never sleeps



Calgary, fed up with its reputation as a modern, thriving metropolis, is debating a bylaw establishing "quiet time", running from nine pm to seven am (nine am on weekend mornings). Because citizens love nothing more than being treated like unruly children.



Councillors Aldermen are really working that highly-desirable curmudgeon vote. "Say, Mr. Wilson, will you take a sign? I'm the Councillor Alderman who came up with the bylaw outlawing Stampede fireworks from going very high! No need to thank me - your vote is more than enough. And if I'm reelected, perhaps we'll work on another change, where the fireworks can only be set off during the daytime, so they won't hurt anyone's eyes." It's city council as imagined by Lemony Snicket.



Who came up with this one? Was it Grandpa Simpson? Was it the same person who decided that smoking on bar patios needed to be stopped, because it was a threat to the health of the SUV drivers passing by? Was it the same person who came up with Calgary's earlier noise bylaw, protecting residents of central communities from the noise of activity like the folk festival?



If people want quiet, they should consider moving to a quieter part of the city. People who live downtown are probably prepared for the hustle and bustle that comes with it. And Calgary is big enough (God and the Go Plan committee know it's plenty big enough) to accomodate sleepy seniors and youthful late-night revellers. Or vice versa.



Did I mention firing the lot as a possibility?